i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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