If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The cops high fived after they tackled you
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
