I wish I only lived at night.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
