On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
