can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
