I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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