im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
