Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize