WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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