Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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