omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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