So drunk its hurt
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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