He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
