I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
