Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
