oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
