I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
