He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
