Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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