The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
