ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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