i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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