I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
how drunk are you?
Several
soo... how was my night?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
