Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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