No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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