I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
