her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
