Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
