I hate all girls vehemently.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
