im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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