I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
