I hate all girls vehemently.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Randomize
