Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she peed on how many people?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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