Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
