I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize