Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
