About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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