she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
