no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
