Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
