In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Nicole vs. Life
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
And then he peed in my hair
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