tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
