hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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