So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
3pm strippers are depressing
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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