dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
