My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
