dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize