I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
