She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize