i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
