THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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