Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
