i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you had me at cake vodka
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Never underestimate the power of titties
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
