Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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