It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
