Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
