Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize