i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
