He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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