My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
