i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize