I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
