Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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