If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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