then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
