So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
