her vagina looked like bernie madoff
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
