thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
