Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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